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[09 Dec 2005|11:10am]
<lj cut text= "you know>FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE 1. Dairy Queen 2. Collins Dining Hall bitch 3. Nanny 4. FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER 1. Wayne's World 2. School of Rock 3. Stand by Me 4. Amelie FOUR PLACES YOU'VE LIVED IN: 1. Whiting, IN on Caroline Ave[1984-1986] 2. Whiting, IN on Lake Ave [1986-1996] 3. Chesterton, IN [1996-2005] 4. Bloomington, IN [present] FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH 1. OC 2. Sex and the City 3. Simpsons 4. Seinfeld FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION: 1. NYC 2. Yellowstone 3. Canada 4. South Dakota FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY: 1. 2. 3. 4. FOUR OF YOUR ALL TIME FAVORITE RESTAURANTS: 1. classic thai [chicago] 2. little ceasers [what up] 3. italian village [chicago] 4. moes [btown] FOUR SCHOOLS YOU ATTENDED: 1. Franklin Elementary 2. Westchester Middle School 3. Chesterton High School 4. Indiana University Bloomington FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS: 1. cereal 2. pad see eiw with tofu, no eggs 3. smart dogs 4. mashed potatoes</lj-cut>
1 | don't say no to pills

[20 Nov 2005|01:24pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

the nomadic life is not really my cup of tea. i returned to "home" thursday night. Since, I have had to rely on what few friends and family I have. I stayed at Dan's Thursday and last night, and at Mikey's on Friday. PS- what a hassle that was. Mike's apt is supposed to be my "home" when I come "home" to Chesterton. Well, that is minutes away, and I don't have my own key. Being at Dan's is alright. I feel like I am such a burden to him and his family though. With all the shit he and I have been through, many people have said he wasn't my friend, wasn't a good person. He is the only person that has given me what I have needed while at home. Where are my girls at? They of all people know my circumstances, and yet I call, and call, and call, but with noone to pick up the phone, or if they do, no help is offered. I know everyone has their own lives, but I just want to feel welcomed. I don't have a home anymore. I don't want to be in Whiting, it's far from my own life and too close to my old, old life. Well, I guess being at Sjaaheim's is wayyy too close to my old life. I shouldn't need to rely on people. To feed me, to let me shower in their house, to let me sleep, to let me do laundry. It's ridiculous. And for Dan's family, am I supposed to repay them somehow? I think I've worn out my welcome in more than one place. I should have stayed in that shit house down at school for a few more days. At least there I am alone and know that I am welcome. I am at Sjaaheim's now, and it's the best by far. I just like staying at Dan's because he is there, and he is my friend. I don't know. This just sucks a lot. It reminds me of having no parents. And last night I kinda lost it. I had to leave Dan's house in a rush without telling them where I was going. What happened was that I needed an answer, and the only person with that answer would be my mom, and I couldn't call her. And Dan's dad was there. And I don't know, I just felt hurt because Dan had his dad with answers, and I didn't have either of my parents. So I left. Dan called. I explained to him, while hysterical, that i wanted to talk to my mom, and it sucks not having that privelege. and he said i had no reason to cry. and thats just it. people dont get it. everyone is sick of hearing about me and my dead parents. well, i'm sorry, i dont know how to deal with it. and now i'm stuck in chesterton, with nowhere to go. and wherever i do go, i feel like i'm in the way. i really should just rent a hotel.

[28 Sep 2005|02:01pm]
Too much fun, not enough work. That sounds completely ridiculous, but I'm incredibly behind in school. Nothing I can't fix this weekend, but I still want to bitch. However, I wouldn't change the past week for anything. Dan, Tim and I went to the anti-war protest in DC. We met up with Brittany, Hannah and friends, and had the best weekend of my life. I have never been so inspired [sorry Al Sharpton, but it's not you anymore] in my life. I think getting there was half the fun. Being on the road with two of my best friends, meeting up with another best friend in a completely foriegn place to stand up for something you believe in... what a rush. It was such a party. I only hope that our chants, and our gatherings, and marches, and loud voices say something to America. Damn, do I hope so.

So, yeah, I've driven 2300 miles since Thursday. I went up to Chicago last night to see one of the best shows I've ever seen. Picked up Frankied and the Moise in Kankakee, and then met up with Tim, Dan and my Mandie girl. So much energy and happiness. Against Me! was amazing. Oh man. I get to see them Friday, too. Life is good.
5 | don't say no to pills

back for entertainment [21 Sep 2005|05:12pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Favorite Color: green and brown
Favorite Food/Drink: smart dogs/orange juice
Favorite Band: right now it's pink floyd
Favorite Song: right now it's "click flash" by the groove establishment
Favorite Movie: wayne's world
Favorite Sport: baseball
Favorite Season: Fall
Favorite Day Of the Week: saturday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: rainbow trouuuttt what up
Favorite Time of Day: evening into the night

Current Mood: hungry, anxious, confused, a little pissed, but overall very, very good
Current Taste: diet cherry coke
Current Clothes: jeans, beige tank top, mocassins
Current Toenail/Fingernail Color: regular
Current Time: 5.16 pm
Current Surroundings: btown and all of it's goodness
Current Thoughts: i'm dreading and really excited for this weekend

First Best Friend(s): dee and jill
First Kiss: jesse
First Screen Name: toogiggly4... bad ass, right
First Pet: mack!
First Piercing: ears
First Crush: jesse
First Music: the beatles and all of 104.3
First Car: ema, the gray buick... oh so many good times in that car.

Last Cigarette: a while ago
Last Alcholic Drink: lynchburg lemonade or whatever yazbotina said it was
Last Car Ride: went teaching earlier
Last Kiss: last time i was home
Last Movie Seen: Wayne's World
Last Person You Called/Texted: Al
Last CD Played: Tommy by the Who

Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: ha, that's good.
Have You Ever Broken the Law: mhmmm
Have You Ever Been Arrested: yep
Have You Ever Been Skinny Dipping: Yep
Have You Ever Been On TV: yep
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: yep

1 Thing You're Wearing: mocassins
1 Thing You've Done Today: observed a classroom
1 Thing You Can Hear Right Now: sparta
1 Thing You Can't Live Without: music
1 Thing You Do When You're Bored: waste other people's time

1. marlin elementary
2. class
3. target
4. rhinos to see atmosphere... SLUG, I LOVE YOU

1. J Fitz
2. Al
3. my brothers

1. Black or White: shit
2. Hot or Cold: cold

1. to be truly happy

don't say no to pills

[09 Sep 2005|01:07pm]
Yes, I did give up LJ, but I just want to say FUCK LAST NIGHT'S OC! I mean, what the fuck. There was practically no plot. At least 10 minutes were wasted when Marisa, Summer, Seth, and Ryan were just bullshitting on the beach. In my opinion, the premiere sucked, and I'm hoping that doesn't mean the rest of the season will, too. I have a feeling I'm having a falling out with the OC only because there seems to be hardly any plot anymore, and the plot they do have is kinda lame. Oh, and they need some new friends. And I need to find a Sandy Cohen.
1 | don't say no to pills

it was hot, but it wasn't summer [27 Aug 2005|05:55pm]
Summer highlights.

-selling my house
- selling my house to two butch dykes
- moving out of my home
- packing
+/- moving in to 17th and Washington
+ cuddling
- 17 year olds
+ movie nights
+ week long sleepovers
+ waking up with arms wrapped around you
- realizing I no longer have a home to come "home" to
+ record collections
+ fucking MOGWAI'S
+ trips to Kenosha
+/- vaca from hell with the feitshans'... okay it was really just a plus, but man, oh man...
- not going to Rock n Roll hall of fame
+ eddie's graduation
+ trip to taste of thailand, then trip to the beach to see a crazy awesome sunset
+ tutoring Dan's little brother
+ baldwin family band
+ CAR.......... GAME ON
+ frisbee, and lots of it
+ shows- mars volta, rilo kiley, the get up kids
+ chump change
- dead feelings
+ everyone I spent my summer with... everyone. it's definitely in my top 3 favorite summers, and it was my last in chesterton, so thank you.

This summer was unusually painful in both good and bad ways. It was hard to say bye to my home, and even harder to know the reasons why I had to say bye to where I lived for the past 10 years. This is it. I've got a few bucks to last me until I am on my own 2 feet. I do not have a permanent home any longer, no more base. I can't fuck up, this is the beginning of my new life. So many friends I have, and so little of them helped me throughout the move or asked how it was going. A big fuck you to them. Well, not really. I really don't care because the friends who were there- man, they made this summer fly by and made my last real summer in Cheese extremely memorable. I am hoping this is my last livejournal post. It's kinda silly to write down all my personal thoughts, or even very bland thoughts on the internet. If it is, it's been fun.
3 | don't say no to pills

[16 Jul 2005|07:59pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Man, I should would love to live in Whiting again. Headed out here to meet up with Mikey to go to my Uncle Ray's in Beverly. PS- Twas an excelllent time. As Phil said, "Cis, this is what summer is all about. This is summer." Anyway, before I met up with the boys, I just rolled around town for awhile, going by the old house at 1342 Lake Avenue. I went up to the door. For what reason- I'm not sure. It felt good. While nobody anwsered, I stood on the porch, gazing into what holds all my childhood memories, and all my favorite family memories. That house contains me, who I would have grown into. It shaped me to be who I was when I moved out to the seemingly plastic Chesterton. I realized, damn, I really wish we still lived here. Where things seem to have a better grasp on reality, a more down to earth appeal. I don't know what it is, but it sure still is a big part of me. I'm typing this at Mikey's apartment, not wanting to leave town. I know I have to. I know my life is in Cheese. But what if I never had moved? What would I look like? How would I dress? Would my parents still be alive? Would my morals and values be the same? Everything would be completely different. And who is to say it would be in a bad way. Not me.

1 | don't say no to pills

[12 Jul 2005|09:59am]
eddie comes home from deutschland in 3-4 hours!

ps- moving sale here
friday/saturday @ 8 am
762 dunewood drive
cheese, indiana
don't say no to pills

[09 Jul 2005|10:26pm]
What both a physically and emotionally draining day. 9.30 am started the day. Clearing out most bullshit in our home. All of my childhood memories- gone. All of my parents shit- gone. So many items triggered little memories in my head. I found 2 cigar boxes full of love letters my parents wrote to each other a year before they were married. My housee is pretty empty right now. Not just because furniture is absent, but also in the sense of my home now becoming absent. Maybe I need to step up and face it all, but I don't want to. I don't want to be here alone right now, but I really am in no mood to see anyone. Today was a nice day though, minus how hard it was. It was great having all of Mikey's friends here, who are like brothers to me, Al, Tim and Dan, and Eric's family and Timmy. I had some good laughs reading my old Lion King fashioned diary from 1995-1998. Oh man. LOSER! I guess I have nothing more to say. I really wish I wasn't losing my home. It's not fair. Just because we've been thru most, doesn't mean we should have to lose my home base.
don't say no to pills

[07 Jul 2005|12:42am]
Jess and I returned safely from our trip out west. Yellowstone is really beautiful. The stars are fucking amazing. I don't feel like talking about all that happened, but I had a really fucking good time. I really dig the mountains. I'm glad I partook in all the activities we did. Sometimes you just gotta live it up, man.

Well, our house has been sold. We are moving shit out into storage and Mikey's apt in Whiting starting Saturday. Woo hoo. Yeah. Note the sarcasm. We close on August 25 which is nice I guess since we get to keep our FUCKING HOME till the end of summer. For the next 2 months I will most likely be very unhappy. I don't want to go through my parents shit, my childhood shit, knowing I have to clear out of my home. It isn't fair. I don't know where I'll go. I'll never have a home base again until I have my own family. I wished so hard on so many stars, and so many times when the clock said 11:11 or 2:22, or after I blew all the pollen stuff off those one weeds, to not sell my home. If I had the money, I'd keep this house. But I don't. So I'll stop bitching and start moving I suppose.

I hope ya'll had a great 4th of July.
4 | don't say no to pills

[25 Jun 2005|11:16am]
dudes. tell me something you've done this summer. please.
12 | don't say no to pills

[19 Jun 2005|12:43pm]
the five oh came to the nicofuckinletto's last night. i played heads/tails with a cop to see if i was going to jail. i won 2 outta 3, and stayed out of jail. matthew got to play rock paper scissors. lucky.
3 | don't say no to pills

[18 Jun 2005|01:27am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I think summer has offically begun. Today was awesome. And what's so great is that I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, but rather felt recharged in life. I hung out at Matthew's for awhile, then came home to hang out with Mikey and do his laundry. Then Dan called, and he and Erica came over. We went on a mission to deliver Peter's shirt, and ended up picking up Max from the train. Then we all went over to Brummitt to throw around, oh about 5 or 6 frisbees between the 5 of us- well 6 once Guy came along. Hung out at the Baldwin's till 9ish when I met up with my Keekee. Why am I telling you my life story? Anyway, we went over to Drew's to hang out with Ry, Jess, and Quinn. I cannot remember the last time I laughed that much with my best friends. Tonight, being with them, was honestly the best night I've had all summer. Everything was there. And what I like, is that with these friends, you can always tell that we want to be exactly where we are. Never any bullshit "I don't care's" or "Maybe's" or "I guesses". We do what we wanna do, and that's how we roll. Tonight was like old times. Just us sitting around a bonfire, or around the kitchen table bullshitting. Nothing else mattered. Nobody else mattered. I can't emphasize how much tonight meant to me. I'm not sure why it holds so much significance. I think it's because I thought I found myself during last semester, but if I found myself then, why do I feel as if I'm putting myself back together right now?

don't say no to pills

[16 Jun 2005|11:22am]
[ mood | content ]

A - Age you lost your virginity? i never had it to begin with
B - Band listening to right now? bloc party
C - Dream car? a renovated edgar
D - Dads name? dennis
E - Easiest person to make laugh? i'm easy
F - Food you miss most? hmm, lots sort of. fake chkn and fake corn dogs the most.
G - Any encounters with ghosts? not sure...
H - Person most hated at the moment? i don't hate anyone, but a lot of people do piss me off with their whineyness, brattiness, bitchiness, assholeness, etc
I - Interesting unknown fact about yourself? i really really really miss my bro
J - The first letter of the last person who broke your heart? abcdef
K - Kissing with eyes opened or closed? closed, but i might peek once or twice
L - Last time you did LSD? only mushrooms
M - Most memorable moment you can think of in a minute? the crazy trip to the drive-in last night with tim, guy and dan
N - Nicknames? cissy, ann, ann spnn man, anniemads, annigans
O - What's the most valued possession? hand print of my mom, all of my photos, and my cameras
P - Poison of choice? gin and tonics
Q - The last quote you heard: DARLIN' MARLINS!
R - What are you allergic to? cockroaches, cats, dusts, pollen
S - Song you sang last? hollaback girl.... i know, sweet right?
T - Time you woke up? 6.48 am
U - Fav. pair of underwear? the pink line or the body line from victoria secret
V - Vegetable you hate most? brussel sprouts or cauliflower
W - What are you the most afraid of? being alone, not like walking alone, but having nobody. i'm afraid of also hitting tim and having him hit me back.
X - X-rated love life? the only kind.
Y - Year you were born? 1984
Z - Zodiac sign? scorpio

don't say no to pills

[16 Jun 2005|12:01am]
My brothers and I put our house up for sale Monday. It went on the market yesterday. So far, we've had 3 showings and one offer. Crazy. That is extremely quick. I remember selling the old house, and shit was so slow paced. Of course not many people are moving into Whiting. Anyway, each time McColly called me to make appointments, I got choked up. I know we are selling our house, but I never actually realized it. I don't want to sell my home. I don't want to lose base here in Cheese. I don't want this to happen, but I suppose it has to. It'll be nice chump change in my pocket, that's for sure.

Yesterday, Jess invited me to go out West with her and her family. I said I'd call her back on that one. I was with Mikey when she called, so I told him the situation, thinking he'd shoot down the idea. He told me, "HELL YEAH! You gotta go!" So I'm leaving for a week or so on the 29th with Jess to see some amazing shit. Also, Britt called earlier to see if I wanna go to St. Louis during the last weekend in July to see Alkaline. I'm pretty sure I can't pass up that offer. But we'll have to check the funds for that one.

I had a good night tonight. But alas, I'm just one of the guys anymore.
2 | don't say no to pills

[14 Jun 2005|01:59am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

i guess i have the internet back or something.
eddie's open house was amazing.
my brothers and i signed a lot of papers today.
there is a "for sale" sign in our yard.
hopefully somebody steals it.
and nobody ever finds out we are selling.
so i can live in my home for a few more years.
pete baldwin gives the best back massages in all of the world.
edy's whole fruit popsicles are probably the greatest things in america.
eddie leaves tomorrow for germany.
i'm really excited for him, but
also really sad.
he'll be gone for a whole month.
i'm really spooked out right now
watched a scary movie with dan, dan the garbage man
my mouth is on fire
dan, dan the bandage man tricked me into eating super hot salsa
britt was home for the weekend
that is probably the highlight of the summer so far.
well, minus the shows i've seen.
okay she is better than the get up kids, mars volta, and rilo kiley combined.
why am i talking about brhodge?

2 | don't say no to pills

summer swallowed us whole [11 Jun 2005|01:38am]
Son of a bitch. I just wrote a nice post to ya'll.
Click click deleted.
Anyway, I hope you guys are all doing well.
I am.
Doing the same thing pretty much everyday.
With the same person/people.
Rilo Kiley show.
The Mars Volta show.
The Get Up Kids Show.
Baby mama drama.
You know, the usual.
ipod yeah.
It was one year on June 8th since my mother passed away.
It was a yucky day, but it really was an even yuckier May 13th till June 8th.
Since that's when I really lost her.
But I'm good.
Shit's good.
Cheese is good.
I'd like to be in Btown though.
2 | don't say no to pills

if this is home, there is no place like it [08 Jun 2005|12:10am]
[ mood | crazy ]

Mission MAKE FIRST DAY BACK AMAZING: aaaaccccccccccccccccoommpplliiiiiiishhedd

Oh man. I just had the best night after at Dan's. We did nothing out of the ordinary. Dan picked me up at like 5, and we exchanged a few things we had for eachother, then just bullshitted at his house. Movies, dinner, wrestling, the usual. Then Tim came over, and soon enough we were all playing cards with his mom and grandma. I swear, after Karl, Gerard, and Lisa left the game, we were all wasted. It was crazy. I don't know what was going on. Dan made me a triple decker pb and j, threw it from the kitchen, then Tim ate a HUGE mufuckin bite out of it, so I took a bite out of Dan's. Then Dan smushed mine, but it was so delic I had to continue the eating away. I don't know what the hell we were all doing. It was sooo funny. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. There is something about that kids home. This sounds ridiculous, but it feels like I belong there. I wrestle around with his brother, I am made dinner, I shoot the shit with his parents, stay for hours on end if not over night, and just bullshit around. It's really a nice feeling. I thought things would be different between he and I, but they were exactly the same. Just as they were left. It was really a great night.

The day was just as amazing. Tasha, Guy, Nick P and I headed out to Schaumburg to Todai- this amazing Japanese seafood buffet. I want to take you all there. It was soooo dank. After that we went to the Japanese mall, definitely strange. I got some really awesome candy though. Woodfield mall is INSANE. I never want to walk around there again. It's like, you can see the store you want to go to, but getting there is sooo difficult. I can't even explain it. It's like a congested 9 way stop.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and as far as I'm concerned- fuuuck Mother's Day, right? Whatever. I hate tomorrow, but I'll make the best of it. I'm a gonna go to Dan's brothers soccer game in Lansing, then Tim and I are going to go back with Dan to Wisconsin for the night. Should be an okay day, minus the shitty spend it with your mother aspect. On our way home from WI, we are going to stop at my lovely cousin Al's to say whhatttt up foooo. Whatev's, I'm home bitches. Hit me up. That goes for you too, J.

I am totally happy to be home. Cept I haven't unpacked at all yet, and my house is a total shithole. That'll all be fixed by Tuesday. MMMHMM. PS- Michele I called you back, where you at girl?

3 | don't say no to pills

[05 Jun 2005|01:13am]
[ mood | thirsty ]

As much as I want to get home, Bloomington 2k4/2k5 has been one hell of a time. Most memorable Btown times this year...

free labambas
j and i dancing to "Please Mr. Postman"
scamming the dining hall too much
party boobs... oh dear, party boobs
the drive home with caitlin, tina, ryan, j, cathy, and chels
moe.- oh my god, how the hell did we even get to indy safe?
suck and blow
walking home in the rain with yaz and the unmentionable paris
many, many cruises with Sam the girl
caitlin and j thinking i am ADD
'stand up' protest
recieving a pipe as a gift
OC gatherings at Britt's
spontaneously driving to WV and KY
Michele visiting
beatles class
camel back full of old style
degrassi... so much degrassi
hookah in the rock garden
al sharpton
hearing caitlin blasting early 90's music
stealing from target with j
facebook party
2 week stay by miss fitz
allan and sam's
britt dancing on tables
being picked up by tim and dan
j and i parting our hair in the middle
waking up feeling like shit, but knowing that feeling means you had a hella good night
hendrix class
many visits to foster for salads
everyone who i met this year... each in their own unique way
drinking carlo from measuring cups
britt's 'surprise party'
the nights i don't remember
team anal beads
flippy cup
being an almost nonstop champ with beer pong
birthday cake britt baked
breaking laur's beer pong table
going over to laur's in the early afternoon to find fitz wasted out of her mind
girls just want to have fun night
alone time
listening to music in the back of brian's truck
trip down to Btown with Mikey and Eddie- smoking a j, blaring sgt. peppers album
indy with britt and nick too see the hearing impaired play volleyball
the chaos of little 5
max, the craziest motherfucker i know
finding myself... or at least becoming content with whoever i may be

I am sure there are sooo many amazing times I am not recalling right now, drop a line to help me remember.
4 | don't say no to pills

i can afford chemo like i can afford a limo [02 Jun 2005|12:57am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

And so it is. It is. It is. It is. And I cannot change that.

Currently I like
Regina Spektor
making hemp jewelry
not wearing makeup
peach popsiscles
new family guy
tea, lots of it
jude law
leaving this place in 4 days

Currently I don't like
my FROZEN soy milk
no phone calls
not having meal pts to eat
new issue of rolling stone
the recorder

Currently I love
I conversed
w. tonight

5 | don't say no to pills

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